I’ll Spit at You! Or as Monty Python (The Holy Grail) would say, “I’LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!”

A few years ago an alleged drug addict went into a local pharmacy and demanded prescription drugs.

Ever since, a security guard has protected the pharmacy.

I don’t know what protection he can provide. He doesn’t look as if he can run; he’s not armed, unlike the equally bored looking security man who stands outside the bank.  That guard has boots and a gun.

I don’t like guns at all and I’m not advocating that the pharmacy guard should carry one.

I actually choose to walk on the other side of the street when I approach armed bank guard.

So! What deterrent can pharmacy guard offer?

Pharmacy guard SPITS!!!!!!!

I’ve seen pharmacy guard, standing outside the pharmacy, drinking deeply from a bottle of water, not just sipping, but taking a deep draught and then he rinses it round in his mouth.

THEN he projects this mouthful of water in an arc that almost reaches the storefront across the road. Perhaps that is his ambition.

I hate to see him do this.  If he has a medical condition that requires that he rinse his mouth, he ought to do so in the pharmacy bathroom.

In my native Doric dialect, the word for spitting is ‘chiffing.’

I remember my Grandad Carrit, who chewed tobacco, chiffing into the open fire. The flames turned blue and sizzled.  The fireplace tiles were tobacco stained.

I call the pharmacy security guard ‘Chiffer.’

Chiffer has nothing to do, but sit and occasionally go outside to drink water and spit that wide arc.

He makes me feel uncomfortable. The pharmacy is small enough that even with customer privacy in place, Chiffer can hear your questions about your prescribed medication.

He passes his work hours by sitting, listening and going outside to swill and chiff.

I’ve taken my prescription to another pharmacy.

I’d like to ask him why he spits in the road, but maybe he’ll spit at me!

The bank armed guard looks ‘h-armless’ in comparison!